it's called soft drink: Monosexual privilege - what it is, and what it isn't

bidyke:

(For anyone who doesn’t know me: I’m the one who wrote the Monosexual Privilege Checklist).

Monosexual privilege is NOT about:

Gay and lesbian people, as a group, benefit from monosexism:

  • It makes homosexuality seem more stable as a sexual orientation
  • It makes it easier to use “born this way” type arguments
  • It makes it easier to argue that gay people are no threat to straight population, because “gayness is not contagious”
  • It exorcises concepts like instability, confusion and “it’s just a phase” from gay identities, making it easier to promote to straight publics
  • It exorcises the threat of nonmonogamy that bisexuality carries with it, giving way to monogamy and homonormativity
  • It saves money and resources for LG movements and organizations (because they get to have more of the cake)
  • In general, it helps pave their way to straight mainstream acceptance and acknowledgment

Straight society is responsible for the oppression of bi people - gay and lesbian communities are responsible for collaboration. And yes, they do get cookies for it. That’s why it’s called “monosexual privilege”. You get cookies for being monosexual. The fact that straight people get MORE cookies (hell, they even get the fucking factory) does not mean the cookies are gone.

Think about the way cisgender privilege conflates men and women. Cis women are obviously oppressed because of their gender. Cis men are 10000000 times more privileged than cis women. Does that mean cis privilege doesn’t exist? Does that mean cis women are not privileged over trans* people? No.

But really, I love how tumblr intersectionality goes all to hell the moment someone uses the word “monosexual”.

Source: bidyke

TL;DR: Can we please stop saying "non-monosexual"

angrybisexual:

anthean:

writingfromfactorx:

angrybisexual:

…unless we also mean asexuals.

There already is an umbrella term, widely used for some time now, which most people understand in a similar way… “bisexuals”.

Is this a thing? I mean, as an asexual I had always…

Before I respond, I have to say that there were many smart and helpful comments in this thread, and unfortunately I couldn’t reblog them all. So if any of my followers are interested in this topic, do check out the entire thread!

Now, my opinion:

I think that there are a lot of intersecting issues here. One is asexual erasure. I agree with other commentators in this thread that there’s a problem in using a term that technically covers ace people, without actually referring to ace people. It’s kinda like saying “LGBT” and then only talking about gay people. I also think that there’s a lot to explore around the intersections and connections between bisexuality and asexuality, and that this is an important thing to do. But if we want to talk about it, we need to talk about it rather than to use a term that simply makes ace people invisible. As other people pointed out in this thread, people tend to use this term as if asexuality doesn’t exist. Indeed, in a world where there’s no such thing as asexuality, “nonmonosexual” would mean bi/pan. But that’s not the world we live in, and that’s not a term we should use if that’s the sort of effect it creates.

Another issue is the Anything But Bisexual (“ABB”) trope. I do need to say first that I feel really uncomfortable with angrybisexual’s comment that there’s no real difference between bi and pan. It dismisses and invalidates pansexual identities, which is unfair. If an identity exists, then that means people feel in need of it, and that’s legitimate enough for me. Notwithstanding that, I also believe that the fact that most people who are attracted to more than one gender don’t identify as bisexual, at the very least points to wide feelings of discomfort around the word “bisexuality”. And we have to ask ourselves where this discomfort comes from: Is it because the word itself is inherently and irredeemably problematic? Or does it in fact reflect biphobia? Julia Serano wrote about this in Bisexuality and Binaries Revisited:

It seems to me that the primary force driving these alternate label choices is not coming from within the BMNOPPQ community itself, but rather from external pressure exerted on us by other queer subgroups. As I’ve already discussed, there has always been pressure on BMNOPPQ folks to hide or subsume our identities in order to fit into existing gay, lesbian and queer communities. But these days, there is additional pressure placed on us by certain transgender voices that insist that we must stop using the term bisexual because it supposedly “reinforces the gender binary.”

And I do agree. I think bisexuality must be the least legitimate identity among LGBTQ’s (notwithstanding asexuality, which is probably on the same level or sometimes worse), and obviously people at large respond to that. We all want to be accepted, supported and validated. Especially when you’re attracted to more than one gender, and have to contend with a complicated and difficult social reality around that. Avoiding the word “bisexual” can often remove barriers for people in the context of queer communities. But does it mean we can’t use “bisexual” anymore? I feel the opposite: because the word is so delegitimized, we have to use it even more, reclaim it and use it to fight biphobia and monosexism.

The third issue I wanted to raise is that I feel seriously uncomfortable with “non-X” words (“nonmonosexual”, “nonwhite”, “non-heterosexual”, etc.). It’s politically questionable at best to refer to ourselves only in relation to the dominant group. What “nonmonosexual” does is to say: “See that dominant standard? We’re not like that”. It does nothing to challenge the standard itself, but instead uses the it as the basis on which we build our identities. In other words, it reinforces a monosexist standard. It doesn’t allow us to talk about our identities from our standpoint, in relation to ourselves. Saying “nonmonosexual” makes “monosexual” the center. But I want bisexuality to be the center - because we matter and our identities matter, and our ability to speak about ourselves with our own language matters.

At the end of the day, “nonmonosexual” is just another way to avoid saying “bisexual”, and that’s all kinds of problematic.

Source: angrybisexual

Go home biphobia! YOU SUCK!: cybernotter: gohomebiphobia: rainbowbreathingbisexual:...

cybernotter:

gohomebiphobia:

rainbowbreathingbisexual:

queenlisasimpson:

Coming soon to a text post near you!: backupandround: queenlisasimpson: hello bisexual and otherwise…

toiletdemon:

backupandround:

queenlisasimpson:

hello bisexual and otherwise non-monosexual women.

if lesbians do not want to date you that is not oppression.

No, it’s not. What it is, however, is kind of douchey, if the only reason they don’t want to date us is because we’re bi*. That…

All of the above apart from OP’s blah-blahing

It really is your loss. Also thanks for contributing to the ongoing image of us as empty-headed fucktoys that are okay to sleep with if you’re drunk enough and haven’t gotten with a ‘real lesbian’ at the bar, but completely unsuitable for actually interacting with or treating like human beings

Then you wonder why so many of us haven’t had actual relationships with women and accuse us of faking because of this, like how do we make you comfortable with our existence? Or, to be honest, why the fuck should we, seeing as you don’t seem to care about whether we feel welcome or even human in your ~*Glorious Real Gold Star Lesbian*~ presence

Ding dong I am bisexual so well done.

You’re response is beyond gross and it’s almost in Nice Guy territory. What I was saying is that 

1. Though people in the gay community might buy into bi stereotypes, they are not our oppressors

2. Bisexuals need to sort out our priorities. Combat the stereotypes themselves rather than the outcome.

Dating isn’t the be all and end all of the LGBTQ community. I’ve never understood the focus on “[x] won’t date me because I’m bisexual” when we have so many other issues at hand like the actual stereotypes.

The OP’s point is valid and I feel like a lot has been pulled out from the original post. “If lesbians do not want to date you that is not oppression.” Doesn’t mean biphobia so I don’t know what I’ve missed.

I can understand the response to OP, but I also understand OP. And I do agree that the responses to OP reek of Nice Guy.

The problem though, is I’ve never seen a lesbian or gay man give a reason for not dating bisexuals that isn’t biphobic. It’s usually based off of an assumption that we will cheat on them or leave them for a het paired relationship, or that we are super slutty, not worth dating, attention whores, etc.

No, it’s not oppression, but usually the refusal to date bi women is fueled by biphobia, and is also accompanied by exclusion of bi women from queer spaces. 

I feel the need to differentiate between “lesbians not dating you, a bi/multisexual woman” vs “lesbians refusing to date bi/multisexual women.” I’m not sure which the OP meant, though I assume all the responses have discussed the latter interpretation.

I understand the OP’s point, but if it’s the second interpretation, I feel it’s a little misguided. (If it’s the first, I apologize that you’ve been so misunderstood! But perhaps this will clarify the reaction.) I’ve heard a lot of bisexual people talking about bisexual stereotypes, one of which is the whole “bisexual women are colluding with the patriarchy by fucking men while also fulfilling their lesbian fantasies/bisexual women will always have more authentic relationships with men than with women/bisexual women are trying to attract men/bisexual women are sexually available to men/bisexual means dtf/bisexuals will cheat/bisexuals can’t ‘settle’ or ‘pick one’/bisexuals are no good for long-term relationships” can of worms.

I often hear bisexual people talking about this idea; how it leads to tangible physical harm like sexual assault; how it’s promoted by media portrayals of bisexuals and by prominent gay figures in the GLbt community; how it can be hard to find queer community due to lesbian and gay people who believe bisexuals don’t belong in their space (which generally includes hostility to bisexuals in gay bars, lack of services for bisexuals offered by GLbt organizations, referring to bisexuals as allies, and yes, refusing to date bisexuals due to their bisexual orientation, among other things); and various other issues.

A recent post by a-little-bi-furious discusses Tumblr backlash against bisexuals as a way to keep people distracted from some of the very serious information about bisexual oppression that’s recently come to light. I absolutely do not believe that was the intent of the OP, but in an environment where otherwise accurate posts will distort truths or avoid inconvenient truths, anything with the intent of shutting up bisexuals appears suspicious.

*I do not doubt that there are bisexual women who feel entitled to relationships with lesbians. However, the OP comes across as addressing “bisexual women,” rather than these bisexual women, which is where the problem lies, since bisexual people are being routinely criticized for discussing serious issues by having those issues reduced to the simplest, most trivial aspects of the problem.

Awesome commentary. I bolded the most important parts.

I need to reiterate cybernotter’s point, that the phenomenon of lesbians refusing to date bisexuals is not the end all of harm caused to bisexuals by way of biphobia: it’s the visible end result of much broader oppression. It reflects wide negative attitudes and treatment against bi people, and it causes real harm. I have indeed read cases in which bisexual women were sexually assaulted or raped by lesbian partners as a direct result of biphobia. We also all know about the extreme social isolation that bi people need to contend with, which I believe is a major cause of bisexual depression and suicidality (which, lest we forget, bisexuals suffer from in much higher levels than straight and gay/lesbian people).

Presenting this fact as if this is the worse thing that has ever happened to someone on the grounds of biphobia is simply insulting to all those who have been assaulted, raped, felt isolated and depressed, or committed suicide.

It also makes it out as though gay and lesbian communities are the main source of biphobia and monosexism, which in turn makes the problem of biphobia/monosexism appear anecdotal at best. If biphobia and monosexism really were nothing but an inner-community problem, that would certainly have reduced from the importance/priority of bisexual issues - after all, these types of inconvenience pale in comparison with the real, material oppression of many lesbian, gay and trans* people. But this is not the world we live in. In the world we live in, inner-LGBT communities’ negative attitudes is a reflection of a much broader type of oppression, which is largely performed and perpetuated by straight society.

Talking about biphobia/monosexism as if they were only performed by gay and lesbian people:

  1. Scapegoats gays and lesbians for all oppression of bi people.
  2. Minimizes and trivializes our oppression.

Source: queenlisasimpson

Coming soon to a text post near you!: backupandround: queenlisasimpson: hello bisexual and otherwise...

queenlisasimpson:

toiletdemon:

backupandround:

queenlisasimpson:

hello bisexual and otherwise non-monosexual women.

if lesbians do not want to date you that is not oppression.

No, it’s not. What it is, however, is kind of douchey, if the only reason they don’t want to date us is because we’re bi*. That…

All of the above apart from OP’s blah-blahing

It really is your loss. Also thanks for contributing to the ongoing image of us as empty-headed fucktoys that are okay to sleep with if you’re drunk enough and haven’t gotten with a ‘real lesbian’ at the bar, but completely unsuitable for actually interacting with or treating like human beings

Then you wonder why so many of us haven’t had actual relationships with women and accuse us of faking because of this, like how do we make you comfortable with our existence? Or, to be honest, why the fuck should we, seeing as you don’t seem to care about whether we feel welcome or even human in your ~*Glorious Real Gold Star Lesbian*~ presence

Ding dong I am bisexual so well done.

You’re response is beyond gross and it’s almost in Nice Guy territory. What I was saying is that 

1. Though people in the gay community might buy into bi stereotypes, they are not our oppressors

2. Bisexuals need to sort out our priorities. Combat the stereotypes themselves rather than the outcome.

Ding dong, here’s some priorities for you.

Really feeling like the “lesbians [blah blah blah] stereotypes [blah blah blah] not oppression [blah blah blah]” is becoming a trope for diverting our attention from the real issues.

the-queerdo-brigade: Rebloggable by request. Links found in the original post: “Here is a good post by a bisexual person on pansexual people misdefining bisexuality.” “Here is a good post by a pansexual on problematic definitions of pansexuality.” “This and this are prime examples [of pansexual people claiming themselves as the breakers of the gender binary].” “See my previous posts on nonbinary people in nonmonosexual communities here, here, and here.” In case anyone’s interested, here’s my 2 cents on the matter: Words, binary and biphobia, or: why “bi” is binary but “FTM” is not Some differences and similarities between bisexuality and pansexuality Why I identify as bisexual and not pansexual
Zoom Info
the-queerdo-brigade: Rebloggable by request. Links found in the original post: “Here is a good post by a bisexual person on pansexual people misdefining bisexuality.” “Here is a good post by a pansexual on problematic definitions of pansexuality.” “This and this are prime examples [of pansexual people claiming themselves as the breakers of the gender binary].” “See my previous posts on nonbinary people in nonmonosexual communities here, here, and here.” In case anyone’s interested, here’s my 2 cents on the matter: Words, binary and biphobia, or: why “bi” is binary but “FTM” is not Some differences and similarities between bisexuality and pansexuality Why I identify as bisexual and not pansexual
Zoom Info
the-queerdo-brigade: Rebloggable by request. Links found in the original post: “Here is a good post by a bisexual person on pansexual people misdefining bisexuality.” “Here is a good post by a pansexual on problematic definitions of pansexuality.” “This and this are prime examples [of pansexual people claiming themselves as the breakers of the gender binary].” “See my previous posts on nonbinary people in nonmonosexual communities here, here, and here.” In case anyone’s interested, here’s my 2 cents on the matter: Words, binary and biphobia, or: why “bi” is binary but “FTM” is not Some differences and similarities between bisexuality and pansexuality Why I identify as bisexual and not pansexual
Zoom Info

the-queerdo-brigade:

Rebloggable by request.

Links found in the original post:

  • “Here is a good post by a bisexual person on pansexual people misdefining bisexuality.”
  • “Here is a good post by a pansexual on problematic definitions of pansexuality.”
  • “This and this are prime examples [of pansexual people claiming themselves as the breakers of the gender binary].”
  • “See my previous posts on nonbinary people in nonmonosexual communities here, here, and here.”

In case anyone’s interested, here’s my 2 cents on the matter:

(via twbasketcase)

Source: the-queerdo-brigade

[Image: Dark red grunge background. First line text: “Did you know?”. Second line image: 10 people symbols/silhouettes, of which 2.5 are colored orange, and 8 peach. Third line text (large): “1 in 4 bisexual people (24%) suffer from PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder)”. Fourth line, smaller text: “By contrast, 14.6% of straight people and 17.7% of gay people suffer from PTSD.” Fifth line: “STOP biphobia and monosexism!”] This is the fifth in a series of infographics. Sexual violence Suicidality Bullying Physical health Source: PTSD and Sexual Orientation: An Examination of Criterion A1 and Non-criterion A1 Events
Pop-upView Separately

[Image: Dark red grunge background. First line text: “Did you know?”. Second line image: 10 people symbols/silhouettes, of which 2.5 are colored orange, and 8 peach. Third line text (large): “1 in 4 bisexual people (24%) suffer from PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder)”. Fourth line, smaller text: “By contrast, 14.6% of straight people and 17.7% of gay people suffer from PTSD.” Fifth line: “STOP biphobia and monosexism!”]

This is the fifth in a series of infographics.


Source: PTSD and Sexual Orientation: An Examination of Criterion A1 and Non-criterion A1 Events

well dench: This Is Hate

angrybisexual:

final-chrysalis:

angrybisexual:

final-chrysalis:

angrybisexual:

sexandsocialism:

So I saw that a certain influential bidyke has put out a call for bisexual people to pull their support from the broader not-straight movement, i.e. from their LGT+/…

I would like to draw everyone’s attention to this new clarification I just posted.

I also want to draw attention to the fact that I answered all of sexandsocialism’s accusations here, but maybe I made too much sense, because she suddenly stopped engaging with me.

(via o00o0oo)

Source: sexandsocialism

A brief history of the term “monosexuality”

(I’ve been asked this elsewhere and thought others might find it helpful.)

The modern use of the word “monosexual” was invented along with “bisexual” by European scientists in the late 19th century and early 20th century. Back then, “bisexual” meant having a combination of male and female anatomical features, or a lack of sexual differentiation between male and female anatomy. “Monosexual” meant clear differentiation between male and female anatomical traits. Later, when bisexuality came to mean “having masculine and feminine psychological traits” (which is how Freud used it), “monosexuality” meant having the psychological traits of one “sex”. Under that framework, bisexuality also came to be understood as a form of attraction: it was presumed that people who had the anatomical sexual traits of “both sexes” also had “male and female” psychological traits, which meant that they also were attracted to “both sexes”. It was assumed that their “male side” desired females, while their “female side” desired males. Under this definition, “monosexual” meant someone with clear anatomical and psychological “male” or “female” traits, who is attracted to one “sex”. Note that they didn’t at all differentiate between sex, gender and sexuality. These were all considered as one and the same.They also used gender-binary language.

This term also had a particular value judgement: while bisexuality was firmly connected with immaturity, “primitiveness”, non-white/West-European (i.e. “savage”) cultures and with animals, monosexuality was strongly associated with maturity, advancement, “cultured” (i.e. West-European) humanity and whiteness. In this framework, monosexuality was clearly and explicitly superior.

Quite a bit later, in the 1990’s, the bisexual movements in the US and the UK used the word in a similar, but different context. Obviously, the meaning of bisexuality has changed considerably (it meant pretty much the same thing as it does now - referring only to desire rather than “anatomical sex” or “psychological gender”). Bi activists and writers used it to mean people attracted to no more than one gender, as part of a political dialogue about oppression. This is where I took it from and is pretty much how I use it. I will say that even then, the term was met with inner-community criticism, basically on the same grounds as now - that it created an unfair conflation between gay and straight people, and that it created a harmful binary dichotomy (bisexual/monosexual).

While I think that these criticisms have really good points, I also think we can take them into account, and use the term carefully, sensitively and contextually, without necessarily making those same mistakes. I think it’s one hell of a useful term for talking about structural oppression of bi people, so I guess you could say I use it tactically in order to raise those issues.

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